Let's Explore That
by Brave New Writer
Summary: My first fic. Hawkeye, Trapper, Frank, and Margaret go to group therapy. PG for a few choice words. Chapter Four now up!
1. Hawkeye

Let's Explore That-Chapter One: Hawkeye  
  
Doctor Ebony Todd opened her case folder. "Good lord," she murmured. Four cases in one day. "Let's see . . .Benjamin Pierce, John McIntyre, Margaret Houlihan, and Frank Burns." Doctor Todd sighed. She had only been a group therapy leader for two weeks, and already she was finding the sessions tedious. To make matters worse, today's batch was straight from Korea, which meant nightmare after unimaginable nightmare. Doctor Todd rubbed her eyes, and then heard a knock. "Come in."  
  
The four people trooped in. First, a tall, darkly handsome man with eyes as blue as ice sauntered in, hands in pockets. He looked at Doctor Todd and smiled. "Pierce. Hawkeye Pierce. Busy later?" Doctor Todd rolled her eyes. "Name's Trapper," the next guy said. He was tall, like Hawkeye, but had lighter, curly hair and deep brown eyes. Doctor Todd scanned the folder. "Trapper? There's no Trapper listed." Trap grinned. "You'll find me under John McIntyre, sweetheart."  
  
"Can it, McIntyre!" a voice said sharply behind him. Doctor Todd craned her neck to see past Trapper. A shorter man, with no lips and a ferret- like face stood in the doorway with a taller, blonde woman. They were both looking sternly at Trapper and Hawkeye. "Frank Burns and Margaret Houlihan, I presume?" Doctor Todd said, looking at her notes and back up at them. "Yes, address me as Miss Houlihan and Frank as Doctor Burns," Margaret said, speaking for the both of them. Hawkeye looked surprised. "Still a surgeon, Frank? I thought someone would've complained by now." Frank shot him a dirty look. "You see, Doctor Todd, THIS," he said, jerking his thumb at Hawkeye, "is exactly why I'm here today. I suffered nothing but abuse!"  
  
Doctor Todd motioned to the four to sit down in the folding chairs she had set up. As soon as Frank sat down, his chair collapsed and his butt hit the floor. Hawkeye and Trapper burst out laughing. Doctor Todd massaged her temples. "This is gonna be a LONG session . . ."  
  
"Now, Doctor Pierce, why don't you start us off?" Hawkeye stood up, hands still in pockets. "Hello, my name is Hawkeye, and I have a problem." "Welcome, Hawkeye!" Trapper said mockingly. Doctor Todd stifled a laugh. "Go on Doctor Pi . . .er, Hawkeye." Hawkeye cleared his throat. "Well, I first came to Korea in 1950, just after the war broke out. I only did though because I accidentally opened an invitation from Truman to a surgeon's nightmare. That job was no piece of cake, you know. Opening up guys that were nearly blown to pieces, never knowing for sure if you got the last tiny bit of shrapnel out of a guy's intestine, doing all you can and then helplessly watch your patient fade away. All those things were terrible, but they were nothing, NOTHING, compared to the utter boredom we suffered in our spare time."  
  
Doctor Todd had been taking notes, and she looked up, interested. "Now, how could you be bored in a M*A*S*H unit just four miles from the front?" Hawkeye's eyes twinkled. "When we didn't have any wounded or beautiful nurse on our hands, we were bored as hell. We did find a way though to make our long days a bit more tolerable." He chuckled and looked straight into Frank's eyes. "Of course, Doctor Burns here," placing emphasis on doctor, "knows what I'm talking about, don't ya Frank?"  
  
Frank's only response was an animal growl. He knew exactly what Hawk was talking about. Hawkeye went on. "The only way to keep our sanity in Korea was to play pranks. Trap and I just needed a rodent to play them on. We found that rodent the moment ol' Ferret Face slid his beady little eyes my way the first time. It was great. Dumping buckets of water on his head, rigging the showers so they didn't work, trapping him in a foxhole by driving a jeep over him . . .yep, life was sweet." Hawkeye smiled at the recollection, and then grew serious. "Life has its ups and downs though, and in Korea, life was mostly downs. We had a company clerk we called Radar. He always seemed to know when choppers were coming, and they came at the most inconvenient times, usually when my hands were full of nurse. We often spent two days in OR, only to get an hour of decent sleep before another chopper came. A good friend of mine . . .well, he died."  
  
"Interesting," Doctor Todd said, "let's explore that." Hawkeye's eyes were suddenly swimming in tears. "Do we really have to?" Doctor Todd nodded. "Just get your feelings out, okay?" Hawkeye took a deep breath. "His name was Tommy Gillis, and he was writing a book called You Never Hear the Bullet. He stayed a few hours, only to come back wounded. I was the one operating on him . . .it was my fault he died." A single tear slipped down Hawkeye's cheek. Doctor Todd looked at him sympathetically. "Now, Hawkeye, you know as well as I do that's not true." Hawk shook his head. "It IS true," he insisted, "I was supposed to be one of the best damn surgeons in Korea, and I let my best friend die." He had forgotten that Trapper, Frank, and Margaret had been listening, and now he looked around in shock. Margaret's eyes were starting to fill with tears, and she tried to blink them back. Trapper didn't try to stop them; they were just rolling down his face. Only Frank wasn't crying. He was staring Hawk in the face. Doctor Todd wrote something down in her notebook, and looked back up at Hawkeye. "Now, I want you to pay attention to me, because what I'm about to say is very important. Tommy didn't die because of you. He died because a Korean decided to use him for target practice. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault."  
  
Hawkeye wiped a tear away. "Thanks, Doctor Todd. I feel better now that all the guilt's gone." Doctor Todd smiled. "You're quite welcome, Hawkeye." He sat back down, only to have his folding chair collapse. The silence that had permeated the room was broken; Trapper began laughing uproariously, and Frank and Margaret sat smirking. Hawk got up, and grinned ruefully. "Whoops, I think I broke it. Say, Doc, ya wanna go with me to buy another one? Later, we'll go to my place and . . ." "No way," Doctor Todd said, "I'm married. Trapper, you're up next." 


	2. Trapper

Let's Explore That-Chapter Two: Trapper  
  
"Okay, Trapper, you're next." Trapper stood up, stretched, and made a big show of yawning. "Just get on with it, McIntyre!" Frank bellowed. "Maybe with Margaret, but not with you. I'm not THAT perverted, y'know." Doctor Todd waved a hand in the air. "Okay, okay, that's enough. Trapper, please tell us why you're here."  
  
"My story's the same as Hawk's, with a few variations. We were considered the troublemakers of the 4077th, not like we minded. We shared a tent with Doctor Hitler here," he said, gesturing to Frank. Frank glared. "We weren't regular Army, so we didn't see why we had to act like snobby, cruel, couldn't-care-less doctors. Hawk and I would always show up in formation, all right, but we dressed for comfort, yet style."  
  
"They always wore their robes to roll call, Doctor!" Margaret protested. "Quiet, I want to hear more." Trap continued. "In OR, the one thought on everyone's mind was to get the hell outta there and grab a nurse. One particular nurse was a real doll. Lieutenant Dish," Trapper sighed happily at the thought of her. "Was she a good nurse?" questioned Doctor Todd. Frank let out a snort. "I guess so, but what I'm really talkin' about is after OR hours." Hawkeye smiled. Trapper crossed his arms. "The only problem though was that deep inside of me was a feeling of guilt."  
  
Doctor Todd was interested. "What do you mean, guilt? You loved her, didn't you?" Trapper sighed again. "Well, yeah, as much as I loved, and still love, my wife." Doctor Todd gasped. "You mean to say, you were . . .cheating on your wife?" Trapper began shifting weight from one foot to the other. "I guess so." "Does she know about it?" Trap blinked nervously. "Well, um . . .no, actually. She has no idea."  
  
"Ah . . .I see." Doctor Todd cleared her throat. "Let's explore that. You may sit down, Trapper." As Trap bent to sit down, Frank stuck out his foot and knocked over Trap's chair. Trapper landed on the floor with a thud. Doctor Todd sighed impatiently. "All right, no more collapsing chairs! Trapper, how's your relationship with your wife?" Trap waited until he had set his chair back up and sat down before answering. "Fine right now, she's four months pregnant." "Oh, congrats! How come you didn't tell me?" Hawkeye asked with mock anger. Trap shrugged.  
  
Doctor Todd leaned towards Trapper. She started to say something when Hawk broke in. "Easy, not too close." Trapper gave a small laugh. Doctor Todd, wisely deciding to ignore Hawkeye, kept her attention fixed on Trapper. "Now, listen up. I know all about being cheated on, unfortunately. My husband did it once, but only after six heavily alcoholic martinis. Be honest with your wife. After all, you two promised in your wedding vows to always be true to each other. Remember, when you tell her, someone will be at your side, supporting you," and with that, Doctor Todd pointed upward. Trapper nodded sagely. "Okay, Doc. Thanks." Doctor Todd grabbed her pen from behind her ear and marked something in her notebook, then closed it and looked at Frank. "Frank, you're up. What've you got for us?" 


	3. Frank

Let's Explore That-Chapter Three: Frank  
  
"Frank, you're up." Hawkeye smirked. "Ah, the ferret speaks." Frank glared at him. Trapper yawned. "Wake me when it's Hot Lips' turn, okay?" Frank stood up, adjusted his tie, and cleared his throat. "My wife Louise is . . .she's threatening to divorce me!" Margaret looked up at the word "divorce". She smiled at Frank, and he laughed anxiously.  
  
The significance of that smile was not lost on Doctor Todd. She realized what was happening here, but decided not to let Frank know that she knew. Instead, she turned to Frank and gave a go-ahead nod. "I just don't understand it. We have all the money we could want, we have kids, and two cars." "In Korea though, Doctor Casanova was having all he wanted with a certain Major Houlihan," Hawk said. "Oh, put a cork in it, will ya, Pierce?" Doctor Todd faked shock, and with mock anger, turned on Frank. "You . . .you men are all alike! Frank, I thought you were supposed to be a model American citizen! Him, I can forgive," pointing at the sleeping Trapper, "because he's not perfect, but you!" Frank looked slightly intimidated, and nervously sat down. "That's not all though, Doctor. During my stay in Korea, I was abused and laughed at night and day by these two so-called doctors!"  
  
"So-called doctors? Then why am I making more money than you, Frank? Oh, wait, I forgot! You wait until your patient's dead, and then you pickpocket them," said Hawkeye. Something inside Frank snapped, and he tore out of his chair and aimed his fist at Hawkeye's right eye. Before Doctor Todd could do anything to stop it, Hawkeye was sporting a rather handsome black eye. She couldn't help being impressed. "Quite a shiner you got there, Hawkeye. Downstairs in the staff room, there's a fridge. There ought to be some ice in it." Hawkeye got up and left. Doctor Todd turned back to Frank, who was crying and being consoled by Margaret. Trap woke up with a start. "What did I miss?" he questioned upon seeing Frank cry.  
  
Doctor Todd got up and went to the water fountain just outside her door. She cupped her hands, filled them with icy cold water, and splashed it on her face. She massaged her eyes and temples, and then, taking a deep breath, went back into the room. Hawkeye walked in just seconds later. "Okay, Frank, let's explore that. What do you mean abused?" Frank dried his eyes. "They . . .in the OR, their main form of enjoyment was commenting poorly on my very fine surgical skills. Pierce actually had the nerve to . . ."  
  
" . . .compare your skills to Murphy's Law. Everything that can go wrong will." said Hawkeye. He was holding an ice pack to his right eye, and every once in a while, he would pretend to throw it at Frank. Doctor Todd sighed and said, "Frank, get yourself together. You can't allow yourself to be hurt by comments. That's something a five-year-old might be. You're a grown man!" Margaret patted Frank's knee. "She's right." Frank nodded. "Five-year-old is right," remarked Trapper. Frank started clenching his fist, but was stopped with a warning look from Doctor Todd. "Thank God there's only one more to go," she thought. "Margaret, take your hand off Frank's knee and stand up. It's your turn." 


	4. Margaret

Let's Explore That-Chapter Four: Margaret  
  
"Okay, Margaret, shoot." Trapper clutched at his heart. "Oh, she GOT me! Is there a doctor in the house?" Hawk leaned over Trapper, who was playing dead, and glanced at his watch. "Either he's dead or my watch is broken." Doctor Todd was about to explode. "Hawkeye . . .Trapper," she said, trying to hold her anger and annoyance, "SHUT UP!!!!!" Hawkeye and Trapper shrunk back into their seats. "Yes, ma'am." Doctor Todd sighed deeply, and then motioned for Margaret to begin. "As you can see, these two have only three hobbies: drinking, having sex, and joking around! They were CONSTANTLY giving Doctor Burns and I a hard time." "Oh, like you guys weren't giving each other a hard time," Hawk said with a wink.  
  
Trap was about to say something, but a look of warning from Doctor Todd silenced him. "Continue, please Margaret." "Pierce and McIntyre did a discredit to the military by never appearing in uniform, disobeying orders from superior officers, and showing up in the most public of places!" "The supply tent," Frank added, "doing God knows what with a nurse!" Trapper crossed his legs. "You know what." Margaret glared at him. "As I was SAYING, they never got their act together." Doctor Todd nodded. "Okay, let's explore that."  
  
Hawk, who had been sitting patting his hands on his thighs, spoke up. "I'll tell you why we acted the way we did. That behavior kept us going through the hell that is war, otherwise you would've found both of us lying dead in our cots, each with a revolver, silencer on!" Frank sneered. "Not that I would've cared." Doctor Todd looked up in shock. "Frank, I don't want to hear another word from you. Understood?" Frank gulped nervously. "Un . . .understood." "Good." Margaret kept talking. "Doctor Burns is right, Doctor Todd. These doctors were just around to cause trouble. Always playing not-so-practical jokes on people, just for a laugh. They never behaved with proper military decorum."  
  
Hawkeye choked back a laugh. "Proper military decorum? You call putting ten bullets into a Korean just because he happened to be on the wrong side proper military decorum? I heard about a Korean kid whose truck ran out of gas. He found an American camp and asked for some more. The guy in charge asked if he was North or South, and the kid said North. The officer pulled out a gun and blasted the kid." Doctor Todd was saddened, and turned to Margaret. "He's right, you know. War isn't proper military decorum." Margaret, who also looked saddened, faltered. "Well . . .I guess you're . . .oh God, I can't say it . . .Hawkeye, you're right." Hawk and Trap glanced at each other, stunned. "She . . .she actually said I'm right," Hawkeye said, and stared in awe at Margaret.  
  
Doctor Todd closed up her notebook. "Well, I'd say this meeting was a . . .uh . . .comparative success. We all reached a breakthrough. Hawkeye, you've come to terms with your friend's death, Trapper, you're going to be completely honest with your wife, Frank, you're going to stop acting like a baby, and Margaret, you now know that war is not anything to be glad about." Everyone nodded solemnly. On their way out, Hawk paused, and turned to Doctor Todd. "Say, what did you mean by comparative success?" "I . . .well . . .other groups weren't nearly as dramatic as this one. Yeah, that's it." Hawkeye smiled. "Sure, whatever you say. Thanks." He gave a mock salute, and then closed the door behind him. Doctor Todd went over to her desk, opened the top drawer, and pulled out a bottle of aspirin. She popped the lid off, let a few slide into her palm, and then tipped her head back and swallowed them. She collapsed into her chair, emotionally drained. 


End file.
